So, the day continues, and I have not lost my deal. I even think this might even become a practice. That is good. Writing is good. I will continue. In this post, I would like to explore some of my least desires. The things which I wanted to do, but of them are not on a priority list. While I think about it, I ask myself, do I ever have such things?

I think we live in a world of desires and everything seems important and the mind feels everything is needed regardless of its utility and true necessity. So when someone asks, “Can you tell me what you desire the least? not something that you don’t want, but something you want, but it could be the last thing of the list of things you want?”. Can there be such a thing? I truly wonder.

I once read a story about Buddha and his path to enlightenment. His desire to find the truth was so high, he failed and failed until he realized that his desire itself was the barrier to finding Nirvana, the ultimate truth. How can you seek the nothingness with something within? That is a paradox and that paradox is the life force of every living thing. It is a game between. That is the reason why not many of us are Buddhas.

It takes an enormous amount of effort to figure out there is a paradox. It takes even more effort to solve it. I always thought that those who figure this out becoming buddha and as a next step, those who solve it become the gods.

So, you see, I think that everything depends on our desires.

When I was a kid, I prayed to God that my mom and dad should live as long as I live too. Because I could not imagine living without them. They were everything that my life revolved around. But the reality is not something that you realize as a kid. So, it hit hard. It does not care if you are a child or if you are innocent or if you are handicapped or mentally challenged. The reality simply doesn’t care what you are, or who you are.

But sometimes I asked myself if when I was so innocent and asked god every day that my mom and dad should be around for longer and that prayer did not come true, then who this God listens to? People with money? People with power? Or simply an easy alternative is that God does not exist. Perhaps.

I once asked my old master, “if these tsunamis come and kill such innocent newborn babies what is the point of making them born in the first place? Why don’t these enlightened Siddhas’ won’t warn about these events?” I asked this after a year of the tsunami event that wiped a lot of land and people’s dream in 2004. The answer that he gave was something that set me in the path to search for more about nature’s nature that we live in.

He told me, for the second part, why those Siddhas never warn us is because they have become the nature itself. That is what the enlightenment is. That is what Buddha did, that’s what all those Siddhas’ did. Their realization is the underlying understanding of the nature’s nature. What is God? It is right there – nature and its behavior.

So, when nature does something, so how can someone be part of it oppose it when they have known the larger picture than you and me? He asked.

And for the first part, he told me that, we live in this world that nature had created. Our relative meaning of compassion and our moral principles of what is right and wrong is nothing but a mare illusion of our own ego. We take something and say it should be the way because it is morally right. Whose morality is that? It is because a lot of people agree does not make it morally right, same wise, a lot of people oppose it does not make it wrong. Every dictator believed what they were doing was right. And those who lived happily under those rule oppressed others who does not fall within that order.

So, what you think right or wrong doesn’t necessarily be the definition of right and wrong in the grand scheme of nature’s work. He continued to tell me one extra piece of advice – whatever I told you might not be even true, who knows. I certainly did not understand the works of nature, not am I a Siddha. But if you want a true answer then you should search for it.

He told me, “only by you, can you find the truth yourself.”.

He was a very wise man I ever know. A lot of people don’t know he was such a wise man. They never bother asking the right questions. Like I said, the desire to brand someone as someone is high within ourselves. I thought if Buddha ever lived in this time, nobody would even notice he is an enlightened one.

So, let me come back to the post again. It is about one of my least desires. To know the truth. Before I die, I would very much like to know why I was born. Or at least if there are such answers to those questions.

Only by myself, can I find the truth, not by the books nor someone. They can be a guide like a door, but it should always be me who must open the door.

Image: The Lost Boy